The stories relate to incidents that have taken place both near and away from Sweden. Almost everyone has faced such situations, albeit colored by the comic or dramatic nature of the moment. You probably recognize yourself in many of the situations and claim that they're "typical", so to speak. You will also find some of the causeries to be entirely fictional.



Welcome to Stories from Sweden and more

Pontus Jansson's "Balance" symbolizes what
I am striving for - balanced stories with
cliff hangers..

I do have money... but not really

As a small saver in equities and mutual funds, I trade with both Avanza and SEB.

    It is easy and smooth to buy and sell shares at Avanza. As soon as I have sold a shareholding, the money is available in my account within minutes.

    But with SEB, it takes several days - almost a week - before I can withdraw the money. I can buy shares for them, but not use them as cash. Then of course one wonders why I cannot withdraw the money right away? What does SEB use my money for in the meantime?

    I have cleared up the confusion. Avanza takes a small fee when making the money instantly available at your account. The regular banking delay is two  days before the money is available in your account. 

Brandy, teddy bears and abrasions

It was Plåtis who initiated me into the blessed / cursed world of alcohol, when we were still teenagers - in all good faith, it must be said. We were aiming to have fun that Saturday in the nearby town of Simrishamn in the south of Sweden, a radiantly beautiful summer day in the 50’s.
      Plåtis worked and made money. I was still studying then and could not contribute much. But it was all right. That was the way it was done in the village of Kivik at that time - those who worked paid for those who studied. Plåtis, who worked at KiviksPlåt (a sheet metal workshop that his father owned), paid for our entertainment for the whole day and evening, including a quarter of a liter of Renat – a kind of potatoe- based brandy.
      We had taken the bus from Kivik early in the afternoon, so that we could be out in good time to see whether there was anything interesting in Simrishamn, before we visited the little amusement park that had arrived there with shooting range, wheel of fortune and dance floor.
      "We’ll go and sit behind the harbor pier and squeeze this one," said Plåtis, pointing to the bulge in his jacket where he had put the brandy.

We went to the far end of a pier and crouched down behind a couple of boulders. Plåtis produced the expensive, transparent product. He unscrewed the cap and handed me the bottle. I put it gently to my mouth and took a small sip. The brandy was strong and hot on the palate. But it did not taste bad, so I took another small sip and then a bigger one.
      When we had finished the bottle, we pushed it down between the stones and went into the city.
      Suddenly, I felt as if I was outside my body and walked half a meter above Simrishamn's cobbled sidewalks. "If this is how it feels to drink, then it is no surprise that people drink a lot," I thought. Plåtis walked a few meters behind me. We smiled at most of the Simrishamners we passed. Simrishamn was today the world's nicest and friendliest town.
      I was so perfectly drunk that I walked without an unsteady gait, half a meter above the ground, that is, and could exchange one word or the other with people I knew, without slurring.
      It started getting late in the afternoon and we pulled up towards the train station, where the amusement park and dance floor beckoned to us.
      There was no luck at the Wheel of Fortune, but on the shooting range, I managed to put two of six shots in the ninth and one in the tenth, and was rewarded with a bag of pralines. Plåtis mowed down lots of tin cans with some cloth balls and won a big teddy bear that he gave to a little girl.
      "You'll probably get the last dance from her," I suggested.
      We munched on the pralines as we went to the dance floor, where the orchestra was just warming up.

However, the perfect intoxication began to subside and I began to feel normal again. I have later tried to recreate the condition, but never succeeded. The ethereal out-of-body feeling has never occurred to me with the help of alcohol since the first drink; at best, I could only float just a few centimeters above the head.      
      We danced diligently with a couple of nice girls from Skogsdala that we knew. We were good friends, but nothing more intimate than that. The last dance of the evening was approaching, but the girl who got the teddy bear had gone home long ago, so there was no last dance for Plåtis.
      Both of us suddenly froze, the same thought striking us simultaneously and we hurried off towards the bus station. The yellow-red sign with the white timetable sneered at us. The last bus to Kivik had left - a long time ago.
      We turned our pockets inside out and arrived at the desolate discovery that our combined resources would not take us even halfway to Kivik by taxi.
      "What do you say about walking to Kivik?” Plåtis wondered and drew a little on the question.
      I didn’t see any other way out either. At best we could get a lift, but there was little traffic at that time of day. The weather was thankfully ideal for a "walk" of 13 miles, with a balmy westerly wind and starry skies.
      So we started walking and walked interminably, it appeared. I had not imagined that Simrishamn would be so big. It felt as if we had gone halfway to Kivik, when we had just arrived in Tobisvik in the northern part of the city.
      As we walked, we fell into a comfortable rhythm and quietly paced forward mile after mile, while talking about both superficial and profound things. It was almost full moon and we could see the road and landscape clearly. Only the cicadas were missing, but for which it would have been just like Mallorca.
       We tried to hitchhike with some cars heading north. But most seemed crowded. Maybe it was the others who had also been dancing or celebrating something.
      The 13 mile-walk had its price and at Rörum, the right heel started to protest and the shoe rub started.
      "Take some leaves and put them down in the heels", Plåtis suggested.
It actually helped, though I had never figured it out myself. Plåtis did not get a shoe rub, though he had moved much more than I did during the day.
       We finally arrived in Kivik - after a little over four hours of long walk, when the sun had risen a bit over distant Lithuania in the east.
       The moral is of course: “Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.”

Copyright (C) 2020, 2021 Björn Johnsson

Eggs, Red Wine, Surfing and Flirting

In the 60s, when Marbella was still a small Spanish town, it had only three hotels, a few guest houses and a hostel. In a bay in the middle of the city, there was a small beach with golden brown sand. There—for a few weeks in May— we, four young backpackers from Sweden, lay and sunbathed, surfed on air mattresses, ate cheese sandwiches and drank red wine.
      We speculated that Marbella would soon become a tourist paradise. And so right we were! A few years later, the city had grown at a furious pace and northern Europeans were invading its streets and squares. But we enjoyed the simple life at the hostel, the promenade and the little playa.
      The shallow bay often had waves high enough, which were well suited for surfing on with air mattresses. You waded out for about thirty meters, waited for a wave, threw the air mattress on the wave, threw yourself on the air mattress and let it carry you ashore.
      I myself had no air mattress. But I borrowed one from Hasse in exchange for him getting eggs from me, that I cooked at the hostel. When we ate lunch on the beach, he peeled half an egg, put it in his mouth, peeled the other half and stuffed it in as well. Then he did the same with another egg. Then he rinsed everything down with a big glass of red wine.

In the southern Europe, it is common to go out to a restaurant or walk late at night. The mosaic-covered promenade was full of people walking. A light breeze blew in from the sea, the cicadas played in the park and high up there, thousands of stars twinkled against a velvet-black sky. The air fluttered with romance.
      Then one day, our routines changed dramatically. Two girls had spread out their bath towels and taken a seat on the beach, some distance from us. One was as beautiful as Nefertiti, the other had a more personal look. I decided to join Nefertiti. And it might have gone my way had I not done away with myself completely.
      In the evening, we split up in pairs, testosterone-fueled after feasting on Brazil nuts and avocados. We were like cavemen who were looking for the girls we saw on the beach. 

                                    Artist: Vladimir Volegov

Bengt and I came across them in the park. The plan was that we would proceed cautiously so as not to repel them, in order to eventually win their trust, preferably the same night itself.
      -"Hey," we said.
      -"Hi, were you surfing on the air mattresses today?", wondered the "personal" with a slight smile.
      -"Yes, we were," Bengt said and smiled as broadly as he could without cracking his crisp, sun-fried face.
      We followed them for a few steps, which they did not seem to mind. Bengt and I resumed a discussion we had started earlier. It had an existential character, intensely fueled by diet pills from Pharmacian, which made our brains go at full speed and our mouths became drier. I argued that it did not really matter who we got on with. "Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be," I quoted Doris Day.
      When I then, according to the plan, tried to approach Nefertiti, she was not on the notes at all. She said she had heard what I had said, that it did not matter who we got on with. Then I understood what a blunder I had made. It could not be explained it away, even though I claimed that philosophy and practice were two completely different things. Right then, at that moment, I didn’t like myself or the beautiful girl.
      But in any case, I got together with the "personal", which turned out to be better in most things than I first thought. The beautiful one got to go where she wanted, and I think she and Bengt went their separate ways later. Unfortunately, there was no continuation between me and the "personal". Holiday flirts are often short-lived and ours was no exception.

A few days later we packed our backpacks and took the bus west, looking for new adventures. We were several wisdoms wiser on the crooked path of life.

Copyright text 2020, 2021 © Björn Johnsson

A Sip of Tangier

This is a stand-alone sequel to the causerie, Eggs, Red Wine, Surfing and Flirting, which took place in the 60s.

      My namesake and backpacker friend, Björn, and I steered west by bus towards Gibraltar and Algeciras after the adventures in Marbella (a translation from Swedish to English of the story “Ägg, rödvin, surfning och flirt” will soon be available).
      It was blowing from the sea, and splashes of salt sprayed over the ferry as it docked from the quay in Algeciras.

After a stormy sail, we arrived in Tangier late in the evening. The city greeted us with a scent of marijuana, monotonous Arabic music, and men walking hand-in-hand along the sparsely lit alleys. No women were seen; where were they?
      The complaining monotonous songs and prayer euphoria chased us to a small guesthouse that had beautifully mosaic-covered floors and walls. We each rented a room that was in order by Western standards.
      Björn and I slept well that night. The next morning, Tangier had changed into a bright and inviting city.
      We ate breakfast at Café Central, a locus where Westerners met and tried to come to terms with the incomprehensible Arab world, not least when it came to the crumbs on their signs.

We took a turn among the alleys. It was hot and after a while, I got thirsty and bought a bottle that I thought was mineral water. I took a deep sip and felt how it stuck in my throat and stomach; the bottle contained chlorine.
      The salesman grinned and cried simultaneously; he then took hold of his throat and demonstrated for me that I had done something completely weird. Oddly enough, I got no reaction from the drink, not even a nausea.
      We went further into the shadows among the alleys to avoid the worst heat.
      “Look at him!” Björn exclaimed at an art shop and pointed to a craftsman who was decorating a leather wallet with ornate ornaments that was smoking. He skillfully used a small pencil, which resembled a soldering iron, to carve in the ornaments. 
      From that shop, I bought a mini bell and a small colorful rug that I rolled up and put under my arm.

Later that week, we were joined by three Gothenburgers whom we met in Marbella. Together, we rented a bungalow in an area a bit above Tangier; it came with a view of the Strait of Gibraltar.
      The landlord took interest in my travel typewriter. It was hard to say why, as he would have great difficulty typing on it, even if he knew English, because it had a Swedish keyboard. But I gave it to him, mostly for my own sake, as I was tired of carrying it around.
      We lived next door to an American family who had rented a bungalow next to ours. One evening, the lady of the house organized a party with alcohol that was otherwise forbidden in Morocco. It was a festive evening where we and other invited Westerners felt at home.
      We spent the next few days admiring the view of the strait and a morning and evening sky that went up and down fast, but which had a magnificent blood red shade.

“Sad not to be able to walk on Avenyn,” Janne, one of the guys from Gothenburg, complained and referred to Avenyn in Gothenburg. We all started to feel homesick, just sitting and looking at the Strait of Gibraltar for days on end. It did not give much, no matter how beautiful it was.
      Björn and I soon found ourselves standing at a check-in counter at Tangier Airport, where we had booked two tickets to Copenhagen via Paris. The other Swedes would return to Marbella in a few days.

When I look back on the weeks in Tangier, I mostly remember the monotonous music and the chlorine sip. However, the Arabs did give us our calculation system, so I can oversee with that.

Copyright (C) 2021 Björn Johnsson

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